Sonic Becomes a Tree
by ham on italian bread w cheese
Summary: In this ligneous installment in the Sonic franchise, Sonic accomplishes his secret desire that he has hidden for all these years: the longing to be a tree. Miles "Tales" Prower assists.


Sonic pumped his legs, racing as fast as he possibly could, bordering on the speed of light. The fabric of spacetime warped around him to accommodate for his immense speed, causing everything around him to slow down. Everything around him seemed to move as if it were submerged in molasses. Ordinarily, this would worry him, but he didn't care at the moment. He had far greater things to worry about. As reality began to break down around him from his speed, now far surpassing light and reaching levels yet unheard of by man or god, Sonic looked down and told his legs to shut up. They had now grown mouths and were telling him to stop going so fast, the desperate attempt of some unknowable entity to stop him. He wouldn't listen. He had to get to his friend's house.

However, as said friend's house was only just down the street from him, he ended up stopping anyways. He probably didn't need to run that fast. He did have a car, after all, which he promised his mother he would use more to keep from damaging his knees. Sonic shrugged. What are you gonna do? When you're the fastest, you gotta go fast. Walking up to the door at only a relatively quick pace, Sonic stared at the brass name plate riveted into the wood. It read 'MILES "TALES" PROWER'. Miles had gotten the nickname Tales because he was so good at telling stories. Sonic wasn't here to hear a story, though, he was hear to tell a story, and he wasn't sure if Tales would want to hear it. Taking a deep breath and marshalling his courage, Sonic raised a gloved hand and gave the door three quick raps.

Much to his surprise, there was no reply. He waited a couple of seconds, but heard absolutely nothing. He knocked again, this time with more force, and he heard a voice just on the edges of his hearing echoing down from the second storey.

"Would you stop that? I'm trying to masturbate in here!" The voice could belong to none other than his wonderful foxy friend, Tales. Taking his words as a humorous greeting, Sonic tried the door and found it unlocked, and so invited himself in. He made a bee line for the stairs, heading straight for Tales' room on the second floor. The door to his bedroom was slightly ajar, and Sonic, having absolutely no respect for the privacy of others due to his autism, pushed it open.

What he discovered was absolutely shocking, and upon seeing it, Sonic briefly wondered if there was any choice he could've made before this point in time that could've allowed him to avoid this situation. Grimly, he realised that there was none. This was clearly destined to happen. Before Sonic, sitting in his office chair before his computer, was Tales. He was currently staring intently at his monitor with one hand gripped tightly around his dongus schlongus, which was at maximum turgidity, reaching its full length of 2.54 inches.

"Jeez louise, Sonic cheese! Don't you know how to knock?" Tales said, turning his head to give Sonic a quick glance before looking back to his computer monitor. It was currently showing a video of two foxes doing what foxes do best, fucking. Tales did not relent in his jerking for a single second, choking his chicken for all it was worth.

"No." Sonic walked forward and grabbed Tales by under the shoulders, lifting him out of his chair and setting him on his bed, where Sonic sat beside him. Throughout the entire process, Tales continued to jerk, and did not stop until Sonic forcibly pried his hands away from his johnson. Tales frowned, knowing that Sonic would only do such a thing if they were going to discuss something truly serious.

"Jeez, Sonic, what's the haps? Did your girlfriend dump you?" Tales asked, looking at Sonic with a quizzical look, the kind of look that Sonic would have if someone told him that he wasn't that fast. His peenus weenus continued to throb between his legs, still at no less than 90% turgidity. It was quite distracting, but Sonic tried not to let it get to him and instead focus on the topic at hand.

"No, Tales, you are my girlfriend. Don't you remember?" It was at that moment that Tales remembered that he was, in fact, a female, and also Sonic's girlfriend. His meat rod was retroactively removed from existence and all remembered, written, or otherwise recorded history, replaced with instances of a vagina throughout all of humanity's records on the subject. A few people who were fans of his chode were slightly annoyed by this, but couldn't for the life of them figure out why. Tales snapped her fingers, suddenly remembering that she was not a he, she was a she, see?

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about the presence of my sweet, sweet cunny betwixt my thighs, like a port between two seas of endless, silky milk." Tales rubbed her thighs together, which made a sound like two slabs of concrete trying to wrestle. She may have had a way with words, but her actual body was more like a recycling plant than a sea of anything fabric related, much less dairy related. Sonic cringed slightly at the noise. "So what's up, fastest boy?"

"It's about my _secret desire_." Sonic looked wistfully into the distance. His s _ecret desire_ had been with him ever since he was a babe, when he was only the second fastest thing to exist, the first thing being light. It was a desire that went against everything that he was and all of his goals, was contrary to his nature and position in life, something that was always within reach but never able to be grasped without losing all that he was. For all of his life, he had tried to cope with it and move on with his life, but it had always remained in the back of his mind, taunting him.

"What is your _secret desire_ , Sonic?" Tales said, leaning close and giving Sonic's eyeball a long, slow lick as a show of her support. She was truly a supportive person. Once, she caught Sonic's father fucking a hedgehog that would later become his mother, and all she did was give him a bottle of lube and a high five for getting lucky. Whatever Sonic did, he was sure that Tales would be able to help him attain it.

"Oh, I want to be a tree." Sonic got off of the bed and stood in the middle of the room, arms stretched out to his sides and bent at the elbows to face towards the sky. "You know, like this." Sonic tensed up and made his best tree noises, which would get at least a 9.5/10 in any tree noise contest in the state, and probably a 7/10 on the global scale. Tales felt moved, and was barely able to restrain herself from breaking into applause. Instead, she maintained her supportive tone.

"Why don't you go do that, then?" Sonic paused. He had never thought of it like that before, but now that he did, the plan made a whole lot of sense. He sat down on the floor and threw the idea around in his mind, thinking about it harder than he had ever thought about anything before, and decided after about five minutes of intense thought that he would do it.

"Oh, okay." Sonic got up off of the floor and walked out into the yard, finding a nice grassy area with plenty of sunlight. He took off his shoes and buried his roots into the ground, spreading them far and wide under the earth in search of water and nutrients. His arms stretched out and split into hundreds of long, thin branches, sprouting leaves all over their surface to collect sunlight. He could feel them fill with warmth and swell with activity, photosynthesizing as hard as they could, pumping sweet energy throughout his form.

Xylem and phloem began to form out of his veins, spreading throughout every inch of his quickly stiffening form, pumping water and sugar throughout. They were forming in every inch of his body, which was beginning to turn brown and solid as it transformed into wood. He tried to let out a moan of pleasure, but it came out as a loud, creaky groan instead, as his vocal chords began turning into twigs. Sonic was in utter bliss.

At last, he could feel his thoughts slow as his brain began to turn to wood as well, erasing the last vestiges of his identity as he finally achieved his true destiny. He was never meant to go fast forever, that was simply a means to an end. He was a tree born in a really fast hedgehog's body, and he had finally shed his mistaken physical form and become what he truly was at heart. His last thought was the realization of this fact, and he smiled right before his consciousness slipped into oblivion, forming a crease in his trunk that would last forever.

Or, it would last until he was cut down, which happened approximately sixty-five years after he turned into a tree. Tales had died, and his property was repossessed by the township, who demolished it in order to make room for a gas station. Sonic was cut down, sold to a local paper company, and his body was turned into forty-three rolls of toilet paper, thirty-one stacks of lined paper, and a cardboard box. Sonic had no opinion on these happenings, as he was a tree. His remains were used to wipe up feces and draw pictures of feces, and life went on as it always did.


End file.
